Euology for my mother, 2011-04-17

What I wrote (below the fold) does not match exactly what I said, but it is very close. My thanks for my father, my siblings, and their families for taking on so much of the effort to help memorialize my mother.

My mother is gone, but she is still alive as well. Her dutifulness, her caring, and her kindheartedness are visible in her children and grandchildren. She not only lived these traits in a way we all can remember, she passed them on gifts, offered not only as lessons, but also as examples for us to emulate. She enriched our lives with hers, and even in her passing, we are still the wealthier in spirit for having known her.

I don't ever recall Mom hesitating to make a personal sacrifice for someone else in the family. When money was scarce, she would find another job. When she felt one of Gram was lonely, Mom took her in. She would give money, cars, and furniture. We could always count on Mom to do or give whatever she could.

Mom always took a little time to give each of us some special attention. She played with babies, repeating the same thing over and over. Anytime someone needed advice, or wanted to play something in particular, or just needed a little extra attention, you could count on her for that. I remember one visit to the zoo; she noticed Nathan was getting irritated by the other kids, so she took him off on a trip with just the two of them. She would regularly tell about the games she was playing with her grandkids.

Mom tried to avoid saying a bad thing about anyone, at least in front of us. When people had let her down, or met her disapproval, she held her tongue, sometimes for years. Back when I was dating, she disliked strongly at least of couple the women she met, but I never found that out until long after they were out of my life. Of course, she did have the occasional gesture to let you know she wasn't saying something, a small shared joke and indication of respect for you or the person being discussed. Still, she kept her negative opinions to herself.

Mom always tried to help us find our own ways in the world, even when she didn't like them. She always told us that her parenting method was to "let go", to prepare herself for our growing independence. Each of us did grow, differently, according to who we were.

My mother will be with us all her life, even longer than we remember her, as we pass on the ways she affected us to those we in turn affect. I miss her terribly, even while she is all around me. I can't think of a better measure for a life than that.